Progress Quest

[Tweed]

You know, the other day I was playing The Conlonel's Bequest from Sierra and I was thinking, about how batshit crazy Roberta Williams is. I mean, games like these and King's Quest were great for their day because we were so busy oohing and ahhing at the pretty graphics and trying to figure out the puzzles that we didn't seem to notice how stupid or illogical they really were.

Like King's Quest 5 for example, there's an oppertounity to buy a custard pie early in the game so it's one of those things you carry around with you for awhile. Now, what do normal people do with custard pies? They eat them! What do YOU the big shot king with the gay feathered cap do with the pie? You throw it at a fucking yeti that's coming right at you so it falls off the cliff of course! Please re-read what I just said, you throw a pie, at a yeti, YOU THROW A GODDAMNED PIE AT A YETI.

Another good example is King's Quest 2, you're walking along looking for some hot nookie and you encounter a snake, this particular snake is one of the "Bite you and you die instantly" types and amazingly enough at this point in the game you happen to have a sword and you used to be a knight! So what is the pratical application of the sword? To kill the snake! Great now your pathway is clear, oh did we mention the game is unwinnable now? That's right you violent fool! The REAL man's way to deal with a snake is to throw a magical bridle on it so it because a beautiful flying horse. YOU THROW A BRIDLE ON A SNAKE SO IT BECOMES A FLYING HORSE and the game never ever ever ever EVER hints that this would be a logical thing to do!

There's a perfectly good reason why adventure games are extinct now, and part of it has to do with Sierra, it's just as much Williams' fault as it is anyones and damn why did Lucasarts have to go all gay?

Oh well.
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Goddamn you, Jimmy Gibbs!